1008 - FINAL JUSTICE

Genre:  Action / Crime-Fighting (1984, Color)

Memorable Movie Line:  “Go ahead on!”

Don’s Synopsis:  This movie stars Joe Don Baker as a bloated Texas Ranger named Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III who kills the brother of an Italian man named Palermo after he killed Geronimo’s partner.  When Geronimo is transporting Palermo to Italy, he is busted out by his gang in an incredibly unexciting scene (unexciting action scenes... having flashbacks of Mitchell... <shudder>).  So the rest of the movie is Joe Don Baker, in his ridiculous Texas-Ranger/pseudo-cowboy outfit as he first gets into an endless loop of shooting bad guys but Palermo always gets away.  And then Joe Don is thrown in jail by the Maltese police.  Joe Don gets out of jail, has another confrontation with the bad guys and is thrown in jail again.  Joe Don gets out of jail yet again, has yet another confrontation with the bad guys and is again thrown in jail.  Well, you get the picture:  this sequence of events will repeat multiple times with only minor variations for the rest of the movie.  And the entire time, Joe Don never changes his ridiculous outfit once; somehow causes more fights than Jerry Springer; can kill Palermo’s henchmen with a single shot but always misses when aiming at Palermo himself; and Joe Don is the only person ever thrown in jail even though he’s the one who usually gets shot at first.  All this time, Joe Don is “assisted” by an attractive female Maltese police officer who basically just stands there and does nothing anytime Joe Don gets into a confrontation. 

Don’s Review:  Like Mitchell, this is another movie about a really fat Joe Don Baker trying to capture some bad guys.  And, if you though Joe Don was fat in Mitchell, wait until you see the tonnage he put by the time this role rolled around. (He had nine years between roles to fatten up even more!)  The riffing on this episode was good, usually focusing on the large, overfeed Joe Don Baker, ridiculously cast as an action hero when he’s so fat that simply standing on his feet must be a major workout.  And the host segments on this episode are almost all movie-related and are pretty decent.  So this is a pretty good episode from the final season of MST.

Don’s Rating: 

Forrest’s Synopsis:  Joe Don Baker is back, and he’s fatter, sloppier and more undignified than ever in this totally lame action flick titled Final Justice.  After beating up Linda Evans, Mitchell decided to become a cowboy.  Since he was dangerously overweight, from drinking too much beer, his doctor told him to drink milk instead, so Mitchell (who changed his name to Geronimo) obeyed his doctor’s orders...only he still eats dozens of donuts a second, so he’s still a fat pig.  One day, his partner is killed (twice actually) and so, Joe Don kills the brother/cousin/father/son (I forget) of the guy that killed his partner.  All this leads to a hopelessly lost plot to an Italian island, and contains one of the most odd, and disturbing endings to ever be captured on film.  Dare to watch this movie?  Go ahead on.  It’s your move.

Forrest’s Review:  Terrible movie that tries to rip off Dirty Harry’s character, but instead of the cop being Clint Eastwood, it’s the terribly cast Joe Don Baker.  Though this episode doesn’t reach classic Mitchell status, it’s still one hilarious episode. The riffs mostly concentrate on Joe Don’s love for food, and his idiotic cowboy costume.  The riffs were laugh out loud funny constantly, and the end credits contain some of the funniest riffs in MiSTory.  The host segments are also very good, the best being the nonsensical, but oddly hilarious “Goosio” skit, and the other being a direct spoof of the last host segment in Mitchell, where Mike is led to believe that Bad Joe Don Baker Movie = Escape From Satellite.  Poor dope.  With the notable mention of an amusing skit in the band “Yes” and their song “Owner of A Lonely Heart” (I hate “Yes”).  The riffing though isn’t quite as good as Mitchell and in some small areas, falls a bit flat.  And other than the host segments mentioned above, the others are quite forgettable, and the movie lacks the cheesy charm of Mitchell and replaces it with pure pain.

Forrest’s Rating: