1007 - TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST

Genre:  Ultra low budget Horror (1976, Color)

Don’s Synopsis:  This movie is yet another one of those poorly-made, low budget horror movies seen frequently on MST but, at least, this is one that could have been decent with a reasonable budget.  It’s about this guy named Paul who is in the desert for some reason when he runs into a group of people that play some sort of joke on him.  Leading the group is a stew-making American Indian professor named Johnny Longbow and also in the group is a long-winded dumb blonde named Kathy who takes a liking to Paul.  When Paul and Kathy are alone, though, he is struck in the head by a little meteor from the moon (Poor guy!  What bad luck he has!  He’s about to get lucky for the first time in who knows when and he gets hit in the head by a meteor!   I mean, what are the odds of that happening???).  Soon the moon meteor fragment in his head is transforming Paul into a lizard-man beast every night during a full moon.  Here, the movie actually takes a surprisingly intelligent turn as Johnny Longbow figures out what is going on.  So they take Paul into the hospital for a medical examination to see if they can remove the meteor fragment from his head.  When it turns out that they can’t remove it, Paul runs away to kill himself before he transforms at nightfall.  He turns out to be completely inept at suicide so he does transform again, but Johnny Longbow kills him with a special moon-meteor arrow.

Don’s Review:  This movie could’ve been decent with a budget but instead it suffers from all of the usual problems of a low budget production: poor production values, bad acting, clunky dialogue.  The riffing on this by M&tBs is decent with some really good lines here and there.  Add to that a couple of good host segments (the California Lady segment is pretty funny), and this is a pretty decent episode overall.

Don’s Rating: 

Forrest’s Synopsis:  Wow.  What a spectacular flick.  This is one of those bad movies that has ambitious ideas, and yet understands and respects it’s budget.  But this film still sucks, and Don, sorry, this movie has no chance in hell.  Even if Kubrick directed it, with a budget of 5 kajillion dollars, this film would still suck.  The movie is about Paul, the most average man of all time, who is riding his motorcycle around, and decides to dig up on old toilet seat.  Suddenly, some people try to scare him with a practical prank that’s even more ambitious that the film itself.  After the confusing prank, we are introduced to Johnny Longbone (one of the greatest characters of MST ever!) and a girl that wears pink hot-pants (the dumbest blonde who ever appeared on MST).  After the trick, they eat some of Johnny’s stew, made of chicken...corn....green peppers...chili.................onions... and then they learn there will be a meteor shower. During the meteor shower, Paul is hit on the gulliver with a moon rock (OH WOW!), but since he has nothing in his noggin, he’s fine.  But later he becomes a Werelizard, and goes around killing people.  He gets sick, and he goes to the doctor.  The doctors conclude that Paul had meteors lodged in his skull that’s turning him into a Moon Beast (?).  So, Paul goes out to kill himself, but Johnny Longbone takes that pleasure for himself.

Forrest’s Review:  Did I ever tell you of the legend of Big Face Man, Bubblegum Machine, Gold Reindeer and the Moon Beast movie?  Well, it goes like this. One day, Mother Pearl send Big Face Man, Gold Reindeer and Bubblegum Machine the Bad Movie.  Bad Movie taunted Big Face Man, Bubblegum Machine and Gold Reindeer.  It attacked their Satellite, and never seemed to end.  But one day, Gold Reindeer, Big Face Man and Bubblegum Machine talked back at the Bad Movie, and it died like a sad, diseased rat.  Thus the birth of waffles!
      Good God this film sucked.  It runs along the lines of It Lives By Night, but ends up being better for being more cheesy and less dull.  So, this was a very fun movie, because it’s unintentionally funny, and cheesy enough to keep you entertained.  Johnny Longbow (aka Longbone) is one of the dumbest, yet likeable characters to ever appear on MST3K.  The riffing was hilarious, nearly every line made me laugh, and everytime Johnny Longbone was on screen, I always fell out of my chair (the riffing on Johnny Longbone is some of the best ever).  Also, the hilariously bad band that sings a hideous song entitled "California Lady" inspired some outstanding riffs.  The host segments were also, for the most part, hilarious, with a VH1 style voice over spoof on "California Lady", and an amusing spoof on the annoying an confusing practical joke as seen in the movie.  All in all, Moon Beast is one of the best episodes on the show’s run, and a definite highlight of Season Ten.

Forrest’s Rating: 

Related Link:
    (1) Bad Movie Planet (Movie Review)