 1004 - FUTURE WAR
Genre: Low Budget Sci-Fi (1997, Color)
Synopsis: In a pathetic attempt to combine Jurassic Park and
The Terminator (with a little kick-boxing thrown in), this movie is about a slave (who is basically a Jean Claude Van Damme wannabe) from the future who escapes to present day Earth and is trailed by Cyborgs and their dinosaur trackers.
The slave runs into a former hooker who’s trying to become a nun.
She takes him back to her home full of fat guys and he eventually convinces her of his wild story after some dinosaurs attack their home (in one of the scariest scenes, one of the fat guys falls on the slave and almost crushes him to death).
They go on the run in the land of boxes to hide from the Cyborgs and Dino-trackers but a homing device in the slave keeps the slave and hooker-nun from getting away.
Eventually, they recruit a gang of losers to fight with them against the Cyborgs and Dinosaurs.
They succeed in killing the dinosaurs (which conveniently blow up when hit in the collar) and Cyborgs but the slave dies from his injuries, which renders the whole movie pointless because a lot of people died to save him (plus the fact that it
wasn’t the future and there was no war renders the title meaningless too).
 Don’s Review: The riffing on this movie really fell rather flat for me with only a few laughs here and there (the fat guy falling on the hero and the lame forced-perspective dinosaur effects are what got the biggest laughs from me).
Although the host segments were okay, I don’t
think this this is really that great of an episode.
Trivia Note: Someone who worked on the film wrote me and
said that the inspiration for this film was really The
Terminator and Predator, not Jurassic Park.
So, based on this information, this movie actually manages to
fail on yet another level!
Don’s Rating: 
Forrest’s Review: Future War is one of my all-time favorite MST3K episodes. I seem to like the ultra-cheesy episodes that are total rip-offs, such as
Hobgoblins to Gremlins, Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders to
The Princess Bride, and of course Future War to
Jurassic Park and Terminator. Well, not Jurassic
Park, as Don had noted. Anyway, Future War is not all that bad on its own (or what I meant to say is
Future War is not as bad as most movies seen on MST3K) and I rather enjoyed it.
Like Don has a weakness for Cheesy American 50’s movies, and Japanese rubber monster movies, I have a bit of a weakness for crappy
80’s flicks.
Future War of course is an awful movie, with no real redeeming value.
However it does have another thing for my weak spot. Dinosaurs. Since I was a little kid,
I’ve been fascinated by dinosaurs! And
Future War has them in it, which few MST3K movies do. Still, as I was saying,
Future War is a bad movie, and the dinosaurs are not exactly on
Spielberg ILM standards. The riffing is pretty darn good, I always crack up when the kick-boxing junkie does a stance, and he lifts his finger, and Crow says: "We...are number 1..." It was hilarious! I know this
isn’t exactly a very popular episode, and by saying that, I mean it
isn’t a very popular episode with the majority of fans, and I guess I can see why, but because I actually like this crap wad which tried to be as suspenseful as
Jurassic Park, and tried to out-80’s The Terminator, and tried to move Bruce Lee aside, while trying to make a strong religious statement, and it failed on all accounts. But I liked it, and I liked the riffing. Therefore I have no choice but to give this generally low-rated episode...
Forrest’s Rating: 
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