 1002 - GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS
Genre: ’60s Go-Go Drama (1969, Color)
Don’s Synopsis: A girl named Michele is working in a road-side diner for her drunk, belligerent father when she meets two separate male customers who come into the establishment.
The first guy, Buzz, starts hitting on her and asks her to come with him to L.A. where she can become a dancer.
The other guy, Critter, starts hitting on her, buys ten candy bars, tries to break a hundred, and then takes off down the
road with his bike. Michele agrees to go to L.A. with Buzz and
so she steals $5 out of the register and jumps into his convertible.
Along the way, they have a run-in with a couple of bikers, who the hot-headed Buzz deals with
by pouring beer on their bikers and, when they catch up to his car later, by shooting out their tires (or, at least, shooting at the ground).
They then run into Critter again, who’s bike has broken down, so
they give him a ride, with his bike in tow. Soon, though, sparks (or something) begin to develop between Critter and Michele, who Buzz
thinks is “his girl.”
They stop somewhere to ride someone’s strange-looking dune buggy and after the ride, when Buzz walks away, Critter and Michele kiss.
Buzz sees them and runs back to punch Critter for kissing “his girl.”
After this episode, they continue on their trip and Buzz robs a gas station
along the way.
They finally get to
L.A. and we are then forced to watch the requisite montage sequence of the bright lights and signs of Los Angeles at Christmas time.
The montage eventually ends and they stop at a club called “The Haunted House” which is where
Buzz’s drugged-up sister Joan works as a Go-Go dancer.
After a meeting with the corrupt owner Leo, Joan gets a dancing job for Michele, who is so incredible bad at dancing,
I’m surprised the owner didn’t laugh her out of the building.
Critter doesn’t like the place but Michele doesn’t want him to leave, so he becomes the janitor at the club.
Meanwhile, Buzz starts to work for Leo running drugs and soon is
cornered by some old guy. This old guy is a recently released felony
who’s a master at picking locks.
He tells Buzz and Leo of a huge drug bust that the police are keeping locked up in a jail cell.
So he wants partners to go with him into the jail and steal the drugs,
then he can use his share to retire. Leo sends Buzz with the old guy and after they steal the drugs, Buzz kills the old man
(he’s
now permanently “retired”).
While all of this is going on, Michele has advanced to replace
Junky Joan as the headline dancer at the club (of course, she still
can’t dance worth a
damn!).
Critter strums his guitar and sells a couple of songs to the house band.
He then tries to get Michele to quit the club.
She will, if he’ll take her with him but he tells her that he’s been drafted and will be a fugitive since he
doesn’t plan to report in as scheduled.
Critter later overhears the other men talking about the drug heist and he finds out that they killed the old man.
He and Michele begin to leave together when Leo and Buzz stop them.
A fight breaks out and Critter is able to beat up three men single-handedly before calling the police.
The movie ends as Critter and Michele are on the beach as newlyweds
– she still attempting to dance (badly), he to sing (badly) – right before he is going to report in for military
service, where he will be able to visit the tropical paradise
known as Vietnam.
Host Segments:
- Prologue: Crow has a WWBSMD (What Would
Buffy St. Marie Do?) bracelet to help
him find his moral basis; Pearl is trying to become a
fully-accredited Mad Scientist
- Segment One: Crow is now wearing a WWWWWW
bracelet; Pearl is determined to prove to
the Institute of Mad Scientists that she is Mad enough
- Segment Two: Crow is P.O.-ed at Mike, so (as
in the movie) he wants to pour beer over Mike’s most prized
possessions, starting with his stein and then himself
- Segment Three: Crow is go-go dancing in gold
boots for Servo, but Mike is disgusted
- Segment Four: Mike strums a sad song on a
guitar (like Critter), while Crow’s giant head keeps popping
up
- Segment Five (End): M&tBs are all dressed
up like the ugly Mob guy in the movie, which doesn’t impress the Institute of Mad Scientists
auditor/inspector, who
is going to reject Pearl’s application... until he sees
Brain Guy start go-go dancing in gold boots
Stinger: Junkie Joan whines (probably due to
being stuck in this movie)
Don’s Review: This awful movie is the
only film by schlock director Ted V. Mikels to make it on MST3K
and, sad to say, it’s actually one of his better films. I
initially gave this episode a high rating, but now I have
to say that this episode really didn’t hold up that well to a
repeat viewing. The riffing by M&tBs starts off rather slowly and
doesn’t get going until the infamous “teleportation”
scene. But, even after that, the percentage of dud riffs
is still pretty high, with only a few instances of really good
riffing here and there (such as during Critter’s rainy song of
woe, which is also well-spoofed in a follow-up host segment). However, I did like the host
segments more than most Sci-Fi Era episodes, so overall this is a
reasonably enjoyable episode... but it really should’ve
been better than it is.
Don’s Rating: 
Forrest’s Synopsis: The amazing love story
Girl in Gold Boots is the delightful tale of a girl, Michele who has not lost her pretty mind, and she loves to dance (but just as Ed Wood loved to make films, it
didn’t mean they were any good). She becomes part of a love triangle between Buzz (aka Icky Elf) and Critter (aka Crummy Critter).
Buzz (who is Just a child), decides to take Michele on a road trip with him to L.A. so she can join his sleazy sister in a Haunted House dancing gig.
Along the way, they meet Critter, the most mellowed out hippie of all time.
After Scotty beams Buzz up in a restaurant, Buzz then robs a store for $40.
Critter, who turns out to be a draft dodger, becomes a janitor for the haunted house.
Buzz makes some drug deals, and Michele dances away, unaware that the men in the audience are not entertained by the dancing, but what moves along with the bad dancing.
And the band that sings at the Haunted House is also hoodwinked to think that the audience loves them.
Buzz’s drug dealing ends up getting the best of him (which is a shame since
he’s just a child). Michele and Critter live happily ever after singing and dancing to very bad music.Forrest’s
Review: This is a bad, but surprisingly enjoyable movie, and the riffing her is fantastic making this a definite highlight of
Season Ten. Whereas this episode got worse for Don on repeat viewings, this one, for me, gets better every time.
The “Icky elf” riffs always killed me, and the famous transportation at the restaurant is a classic (I wonder what Ted V. Michaels would say in a commentary on the Girl in Gold Boots DVD):
“Oh, um, while filming GiGB (as fans call it), we were abducted by aliens.
Um, I escaped, and I rescued most of the filming crew, but the man who plays Buzz, um, he was not so lucky.
We were going to have to go along with a new story line, without Buzz.
But, while shooting the restaurant scene, the aliens realized that we were making a breathtaking movie, so they beamed Buzz
back.” I don’t know how else he’d explain it.
The host segments are also very funny, and all movie related, the best being
Mike’s spoof on Critter’s depressing love song. This is an excellent episode, with excellent riffing, very good host segments and an enjoyable cheesy film that makes for good repeat viewings.
Forrest’s Rating: 
Related Link:
(1) Jabootu’s Bad Movie
Dimension (Humorous Movie Review)
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