1001 - SOULTAKER

Genre:  Supernatural Horror (1990, Color)

Don’s Synopsis:  Martin Sheen’s brother, Joe Estevez, stars as a soultaker, black robed beings who comes to Earth to collect the souls of the recently deceased.  While collecting souls, he gets the hots for a redhead who is a passenger in a car driven rapidly into a tree by a totally rockin’ dude.  After collecting the souls of couple of the people in the car, the soultaker chases the redhead and her boyfriend (or so he hopes) to her house and then to the hospital where their bodies are on life-support.  Finally, it gets past midnight and because the redhead’s soul is still out there, the soultaker gets his soul taken by a really weird-looking soultaker.

Don’s Review:  The movie in this experiment was reasonable watchable (in a cheesy sort of way) and the riffing was very good for the second half but the real highlight of this episode is the cameo appearances by Joel and Frank.  Joel returns to fix the SOL, which is having a lot of technical problems and Frank returns as a soultaker, having dropped out of Second Banana Heaven (it was way too political).  Overall, this episode is an absolute must-see for MSTies.

Don’s Rating: 

Forrest’s Synopsis:  This movie stars the ultra B-movie actor, Joe Estevez.  Martin Sheen has more films than anyone in the market, Charlie Sheen has the hottest of the hot for a wife in Denise Richards, and Emilo Estevez has Mighty Ducks!  So you gotta feel sorry for Joe, especially since the filmmakers responsible for Werewolf of Season Nine didn’t even give the poor man a leading role.  Poor guy was upstaged by people who couldn’t even speak english in an english-speaking movie.  So, I’m glad that he got the role as a soultaker.  In Soultaker we have a colorful cast of characters.  We have an oily, ultra ’80s, but likeable guy, whose name escapes me.  We have his Kevin Bacon-in-drag girlfriend Natalie, whose too good for the oily guy because, as the oily guy’s friend (whose long hair in the back totally distracts you that he’s balding in front) she’s a “rich ****”.  There’s also chubby guy with a mullet, but he’s not that important.  In this film, heaven is nothing more than losers from our own life, who hover above hospitals and wait for people to die.  When they die, their souls are absorbed into “funny gag condoms” as Mike would say.  The colorful characters I mentioned above are all killed in a car wreck, because the balding/long haired guy drives totally out of control, but nobody stops him, because he threatens them with “make me.”  If Clint Eastwood played the part, it would have perhaps come off as convincing, but the balding/long-haired guy....Brad, that’s his name, makes it less tough, and more disturbing and out of place, quite like the “Go ahead on” line that plagues Final Justice.  And so they all die, but their souls (complete with skin, clothes, eyes....blood...hair...hell what is a soul anyway).  Well anyway their souls have to run from Joe Estevez.  But Joe gets horny when he sees Natalie, so he decides to disobey his orders from his master with a misshaped face, and instead of collecting all the souls, he decides to collect everyone’s soul- except Natalie.  Natalie and the oily Guy end up being the only ones left, and they go to Natalie’s house to hide from Joe Estevez, unaware that the mullet guy died. Joe Estevez ends up taking the form of Natalie’s mother, and peeps on Natalie as she is taking a bath.  Quite an art scene it is indeed, giving the rubber ducky skit by Bert looking at Ernie in the bath tub a darker look, much like the juxtaposition of Gene Kelly to Malcolm McDowell.  Natalie and the oily guy then realize that they are in fact souls, and their bodies will be disconnected by life support by midnight.  So they race to the hospital, where plenty of running takes place.  Soon, we learn that Brad has become a soultaker, and we also learn that there is, in fact, no stairway to heaven!  Does this mean we CAN stop the rock?  Is there any joy in Beethoven’s Ninth?  Who did let the dogs out?  Did Ozzy really see Satan laughing as he spread his wings?  I will do anything for love, but what is “that”?  Only Brad knows.  Brad gives the oily guy a funny gag condom, Joe Estevez burns in hell, and Natalie and the oily guy “get a second chance.”  To hell with the poor mullet guy though!

Forrest’s Review:  This longtime favorite of mine has stood the test of time, and remains an all time favorite of mine.  It’s one of the best episodes in Season Ten.  I think that Season Ten was really, really good, even though it seems to get a lot of unjust views.  So what if Hamlet is the worst episode ever?  There’s still plenty of laughs to be found in Season Ten.  Soultaker, Girl in Gold Boots, Future War and Track of the Moon Beast are just as funny as anything else done.  The riffing in this episode is top-notch, with nearly every comment making me laugh, especially in the second half, where some of the best riffing in MST3K history takes place.  Plus the movie provides plenty of unintentionally funny moments.  Joe Estevez is a riot!  But, above all, the host segments are what stand out most, as Joel returns and the long awaited moment when both Joel and Mike, side to side, are on the SOL at the same time.  But, Joel didn’t participate in the theater, which is a shame.  Joel claims he didn’t participate because he didn’t write any riffs, but I really think he should have, even if it may interfere with the near perfect riffing by Mike and the ’Bots.  Also, Frank returns as a soultaker, in an amusing, by slightly disappointing skit.  The Gordita thing was plain stupid.  It’s also funny to point out that Tom riffs on the old Mike and Joel flame war, by saying “Don’t compare yourself Mike, it ain’t healthy.”  It’s also nice to know that both Joel and Mike have gained weight with all us MiSTies since their beginnings as hosts.  This is a great episode to start the show’s last season, too bad the last episode didn’t live up to this one.

Forrest’s Rating: