907 - HOBGOBLINS

Genre:  ’80s Intentionally Cheesy Horror/Comedy (1987, Color)

Synopsis:  For this experiment, Pearl goes into a hazardous waste container to dig up the movie that’s the worst of the worst: a Gremlins rip-off called Hobgoblins.  But, actually, the truth of the matter is:  There are much worst movies than this one.  This movie is so obviously intentionally bad and cheesy, that it actually is a bit funny to watch.  The story is about an assistant security guard trainee named Kevin who accidentally opens a vault and about four other layers of unlocked security to release the Hobgoblins to the world.  What are the Hobgoblins?  Well, aside from being very cheesy puppets, they are little aliens that can make a person’s fantasies come true before killing him or her.  Upon escaping, the first place the hobgoblins go is... Kevin’s house. (With all the houses in the city, it’s amazing that they ended up at his!  What are the odds?)   There, the hobgoblins “terrorize” Kevin’s goody-two-shoed girlfriend Amy;  her slutty friend, Daphne;  ultra-loser friend, Kyle;  and Daphne’s dopey army boyfriend, Nick.  Loser Kyle soon races off with the hobgoblin-induced fantasy that he may actually have sex (not likely).  And Amy runs off to a place called Club Smut with the fantasy that she too can be a slut.  The others follow Amy to the club and begin an exhaustive search for her by... sitting down at a table.  Of course, she shows up on stage made up like an ’80s pop star and a doing a little slutty dance – all I can say is: THIS was her fantasy???   Meanwhile, army dweeb Nick begins to have war fantasies and starts blowing up the club with a few hand grenades he happens to have.  Eventually, Kevin and the others kill some of the hobgoblins and the rest of the little aliens decide to return to the vault.  There, the decrepit old security guard who had been guarding them for about 50 years all of a sudden decides to blow up the hobgoblins – something that if he had only done years earlier, we wouldn’t have had to suffer through this movie (thanks a lot, old man).

Host Segments:

Stinger:  The Hobgoblins go for a spin in a golf cart 

Don’s Review:  Bad, intentionally-cheesy movie that’s full of some pretty dated ’80-isms (were the hairdos really THAT bad as late as 1987?) is fairly decently riffed by M&tBs, although riffing this cheeseball movie is like T-ball practice:  it’s setting everything up so perfectly that making fun of it is almost too easy.  The host segments actually had some funny stuff that I liked, unlike most Sci-Fi era segments (in particular, Crow’s lecture on women which he dismisses as only a legend like Big Foot).  So, although the movie is an awful cheese-fest, this was an enjoyable episode to watch.

Don’s Rating: 

Forrest’s Review:  It’s hard to make a good film.  Most of the films on MST3K were trying to be serious movies that meant something.  Every director, of every film ever shown on MST3K did care about his movie.  Effort was put in, no matter how small the budget, or how inept the vision.  You can tell that time and effort, no matter how terrible the movie, was put into the feature.  All the movies in MST3K are in this category, except for one: Hobgoblins.
      There is one reason why Hobgoblins may be considered the worst movie ever seen on MST3K. That reason is because it’s dirty.  This movie is just a huge pile of filth.  Nothing nice can come out of this movie.  You feel more guilty watching it than you would XXX hardcore porn.  No how can this be? First of all, women are portrayed as total sluts in this movie, even worse than they are in 8 Mile.  Also, the super slutty girl is the most ugly girl I have ever seen.  It also tries to send a message that all teenagers are sex-craving lunatics, and that your girlfriend will be mad at you if you do not rent them a movie with at least a single X-rating.  I know my girlfriend would beat the hell out of me if I came home with a rated X movie and asked her to watch it with me.  The movie is also very sexual, but as Josh mentions in his review, it is mild, but something about it is very dirty.  Not only is it dirty, but the special effects and acting is so bad, that it feels more painful and heavy than most bad-movie antics on MST3K.  The movie also tries to be funny, but it just once again contributes to the dirty filth that is Hobgoblins, which is my least favorite movie on MST3K only tied with the incomprehensibly boring Starfighters.
      The riffing by M&TBs was pure genius.  So many funny lines are said in this episode that I’d have to say that this would be one of my top ten favorite episodes.  The end credits with the interview with Rick Sloane (the director of Hobgoblins) was as funny as anything else on the show.  Don, and quite a few people complain that this movie was too easy to riff.  I disagree.  This movie really doesn’t set up things too perfectly.  This movie is actually trying to be funny, and when MST3K tries to take on a comedy, it becomes harder to riff.  I think this movie would be very hard to riff, which is why Mike and the ’Bots rely so much on observational riffs in this episode.  Were Mike and the ’Bots to make fun of this movie as they usually would have done, it would not have worked so well.  Instead, the riffs were more observational: “That guy tipped his table over!”  Were every MST3K experiment to have nothing but observational riffs, the show would be nowhere near as brilliant.  Anyone can say: “Oh look, that monster looks fake.”  But MST is better than that.  However, since Hobgoblins is such a terrible movie, the riffs are the most harsh since Invasion of the Neptune Men.  Instead of Mike and the ’Bots just going through the movie making quips that show an extreme hatred for the movie.  Although I felt Mike episodes showed way more hate for the movies than Joel’s, and Mike skewered his movies, the movie-hate meter is taken to the extreme when making fun of Hobgoblins, where this movie is not skewered, but the movie skewers Mike and the ’Bots.  So instead of fun and pain for M&TBs, there is only pain.  Just look at Crow and Tom trying to scram out of the theater before the end credits are even over!  The skits are also very, very funny dealing with Crow’s theory on women, Crow’s Hobgoblin hotline designed to help people traumatized by watching the movie, and a funny Terminator spoof in the last segment.  But best of all was Pearl pulling the film canister for Hobgoblins out of the Lost Ark of the Covenant.  All in all this is an excellent episode, with some great host segments, first rate riffing, and the worst movie ever seen on the show.  (See this one again, Don, I’m sure you’ll like it better on a repeat viewing.) [ed: Probably, because with few exceptions, most eps get better on repeat viewings]

Forrest’s Rating: 

Josh’s Review:  Three movies stick out to me as the worst ever endured by the crew of the SOL and all for very different reasons.  These movies are Manos: The Hands of Fate, Monster A-Go-Go, and Hobgoblins. Of these, Manos: The Hands of Fate is clearly the most technically inept film aired on the show, while Monster A-Go-Go is the most mind numbingly dull movie ever aired on the show.  But Hobgoblins is simply the most vile piece of filth ever to creep out of the mind of any human being.  It may very well be impossible to point the finger at just a few specific characters and plot elements that make this movie so unbearable, but I feel that it is my solemn duty to make an attempt.
      The first important thing to understand about this movie is that even though it is a horror flick with some action elements thrown in, it really doesn’t take itself very seriously.  There are many attempts at humor that fall terribly flat due to both lousy jokes and horrendous acting.  Much of the humor is sexual, and though not explicit, it is so uncomfortable and unfunny, it would make even a porn star feel dirty.
      Another problem with the movie is the characters.  While all of the characters are horrible I’m going to focus strictly on our hero Kevin.  Our hero Kevin is less likable than Mitchell and certainly less interesting.  He’s the stereotype reasonably minded, decent hard working intelligent guy with no personality who gets brutally killed within the first few scenes of most movies.  His first heroic act in the film is shooting a bullet into the air to scare away a thug.  You see, the thug wasn’t the least bit intimidated by having the gun actually pointed at him, but having it fired off into the sky sent him running.  Did the thug think that Kevin was too stupid to know how to pull a trigger?!?  This is what the movie implies.  Either that or the thug was supposed to be thinking “Well, if he’s willing to shoot the sky he must be willing to shoot me too.”  This is just one example of the many nonsensical, illogical scenes scattered shamelessly throughout this train wreck of a film. 
      All the complaining aside, this episode of MST3K was actually very entertaining.  As infuriating as it would be to see this movie in a theater by accident, it was that much fun to watch with Mike and the bots on the SOL.  The riffing was above average and included some interesting technical observations, which are fun in any episode.  The host segments were strong for a Sci-Fi episode, though I strongly disliked the opening.  Pulling the movie out of the ark of the covenant was a clever little touch but besides that the beginning was really not very good.  The “You’re turning me on” jokes between Mike and the bots were actually a little embarrassing to watch.  Overall, a fun episode, just as long as extended bouts of mental agony are your idea of fun.

Josh’s Rating: