MST3K Review

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621 - THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS with shorts: MONEY TALKS! and PROGRESS ISLAND, U.S.A.

Genre: Ultra-low Budget Horror (1961, B&W)

Memorable Movie Line: “Flag on the Moon. How did it get there?”

Shorts: The main feature in this experiment is preceded by two great shorts which are, IMO, the true highlight of this episode. The first is a very dated ’50s era educational short where Ben Franklin comes back to teach a dumb kid how to save money (the lesson, in short, is don’t spend it). The second short is a promotional short created by the government that tries to portray Puerto Rico as being no different than the rest of the U.S.A. (which brings up an obvious question: if it’s the same, why even bother going there?)

Synopsis: The feature is a budgetless, plotless, soundtrackless wonder about a big guy (played by huge, former-wrestler Tor Johnson) who is mutated into a beast by an atomic blast. The makers of this movie lost the soundtrack, so, instead, a new one had to be post-dubbed in, resulting in very little dialogue (and what dialogue there is obviously is dubbed in). Basically the movie shows the mutated Tor wandering around a western desert trying to choke everyone he sees; two lost kids wandering around; a man looking for the kids wandering around; some guys with guns wandering around and shooting everything in sight; more shots of Tor wandering around; back to the kids; the man; the gun guys; Tor, and so on and so on while a narrator drones on about stuff like flags on the moon.

Host Segments:

Prologue: Mike wallpapers the SOL
Segment One: The Mads present Proposition Deep 13
Segment Two: Some trailer trash people disrupt the SOL's peace and quiet
Segment Three: Crow keeps asking Mike if it's 11:30
Segment Four: Crow creates The Film Anti-Preservation Society
Segment Five (End): Mike gives his triumph speech; the Mads give their concession speech

Stinger: Tor is very angry

Don’s Review: Although the riffing for the movie is very good (I really like the Tor impression M&tBs use to put lines in his mouth), the tedium of the movie itself had me squirming in my seat after a while. And the host segments are amusing, in particular, one in which Crow makes a funny plea for Film Anti-Preservation. So, although not for beginners, this is a great episode, overall, and the movie is one that really just has to be seen to be believed!

Don’s Rating: [ S1: S2: F: ]

Forrest’s Review: You know, when the phrase worst: “worst movie” is said, I immediately think of three movies: Hobgoblins, Jurassic Park III, and The Beast of Yucca Flats. This is a horrible movie, quite possibly the worst of the Coleman Francis movies seen on MST3K. At least The Skydivers had a crappy plot, this movie doesn’t; Red Zone Cuba had crappy action, this movie doesn’t. The movie is slow, boring, long, crappy, boring, and slow. NOTHING happens at all! It’s almost as painful as Monster A Go-Go, though with Coleman Francis’s special hellish touch to it.
     In one point of the movie, a man is sent up into the air in a plane with a gun, to shoot anyone he sees, as Coleman Francis narrates: “Shoot first, ask questions later.” To which Mike adds: “Shoot the film first, ask questions later.” This movie is pain, pure pain. If you want to visit Hell, just to see what it’s like, you only have to see this movie!
     But, as usual, M&TBs save the day! The riffing is extremely slick, and as always, very funny. This is an essential MST3K episode, that all MiSTies should own, it’s the ultimate crapfest! It’s actually fun! The extremely ugly mom, the two personality-less kids lost in the desert, the ugly weird guy that shoots the innocent dad for no reason, and of course: Tor Johnston as THE BEAST! Mike: “Tor Johnston as the beast, it’s good casting.”
     While I was a tiny bit disappointed with the first short, the second one is great! The host segments are pretty much forgettable, with the exception of Mike’s triumph speech, the host segments are irrelevant and not all that great. Still. Awesome episode! I highly recommend it to strong-willed MiSTies!

Forrest’s Rating: [ S1: S2: F: ]