MST3K Review

PREV Season Five NEXT

501 - WARRIOR OF THE LOST WORLD

Genre: Post-Apocalyptic (1983, Color)

Synopsis: Somewhere after the Apocalypse, a battle is brewing between the forces of scraggly, Mad Max-ish biker guys and guys who wear white called Omega. Into this fray, rides the Paper Chase guy on his talking motorcycle “Einstein” complete with futuristic Pong graphics. Or it said something like that on the Star Wars like slanted scroll at the beginning of this film that was so unreadable it was giving me a headache. Anyway, the Paper Chase guy mumbles his lines and rides around on his annoying talking bike, gets chased and shot at by a lot of post-apocalyptic morons (in scenes that make a pathetic attempt to emulate similar scenes in The Road Warrior) until he apparently crashes into a mountain. But, unfortunately, this didn’t kill him or the bike, so the next scene, he’s on some sort of medical slab while a woman uses a flashlight to heal his wounds. The people who operate on him tell him that he is blessed because he was able to travel through the barrier and that he needs to go on and rescue a scientist from the evil Omega. The Paper Chase guy refuses until the bald chick from Star Trek I – with hair – shoots a gun in the air. So off the two of them go to save the scientist who also is her father. They first go to a weird bar, drink some mouthwash and watch a slow, sadomasochistic interpretive dance show. They then go somewhere so she can type in a bunch of words on a keypad and, finally, they rescue her father – Jimmy Carter! – by stealing a helicopter and shooting some guards, but the Star Trek I Chick gets left behind. So now what needs to be done is obvious: the Paper Chase guy has to fight a bunch of Road Warrior-reject morons, including some Tina Turner wannabe from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome! The Paper Chase guy wins the fight by throwing a midget around and punching out the Tina Turner wannabe (not very P.C. of him!). Now they can go and save the daughter from the evil Omega and its leader, Donald Pleasance (who’s decked out like Blofeld... minus the white cat). Meanwhile, Pleasance has the daughter as his prisoner, so he straps her to a white table that somehow makes her eyes look really big. The rescue team of Road Warrior-rejects must first fight some guards or something in a chase scene that is obviously inspired by the chase at the end of The Road Warrior , with the exception of being compelling and exciting. After they get past those losers, though, they have to face their biggest obstacle of all: Mega-Weapon! What is Mega-Weapon? Well, it looks like a giant dump truck that spits out fire. After everyone stands around for a while staring at Mega-Weapon, the Paper Chase Guy decides to attack and drives his annoying talking motorcycle under Mega-Weapon, where the bike is crushed under Mega-Weapon’s huge tire. (Hurrah!) He then cuts a wire or something which causes Mega-Weapon to blow up (I guess it wasn’t quite as “Mega” as advertised). Finally, the rebel team of losers get into the compound, and the Paper Chase Guy and her Jimmy Carter dad see that Blofeld – I mean Donald Pleasance – has the Star Trek I Chick pointing a gun at her own head (did she want out of this movie that badly?). But instead she shoots the Paper Chase Guy in the shoulder (just wounded him – damn!), and then shoots Donald Pleasance next. So Omega is now replaced by the New Way (is there a “Meet the new Boss, same as the old Boss” thing going on here?), but we then find out that the dead Donald Pleasance was only really a robot (well, that explains his performance) and, along with the double-crossing Fred Williamson, the real one will presumably return again in a sequel. (Please, NO!!!) The movie finally ends with a disgusting kissing scene between the Paper Chase Guy and the Star Trek I Chick, before he rides off on his (unfortunately) repaired motorcycle.

Host Segments:

Prologue: Servo takes over introduction duties from Joel, but Crow causes difficulties for him
Segment One (Invention Exchange): The ’Bots reconcile; the Mads invent the Square Master for exercising; J&tBs invent Bittersweet Hearts candy (actually antacids)
Segment Two: Joel sets up the ’Bots for slot car racing, but while Crow zips along the track, Servo’s car won’t go
Segment Three: Joel & the ’Bots play the mumbling Warrior of the Lost World (aka the Paper Chase Guy) being taken by his Mom to get a driving learner’s permit
Segment Four: J&tBs talk about how much better life will be after the Apocalypse (as long as they have an extra pair of glasses, that is)
Segment Five (End): J&tBs talk about how much they hated the movie, except for Mega-Weapon, so they call him on the phone; a letter; the Mads’ new active lifestyle, thanks to Square Master

Stinger: The Paper Chase Guy checks out the Star Trek I Chick

Don’s Review: The movie here is one of those cheesy, post-apocalyptic movies from the early 1980s. This Italian production constantly tries to emulate the Mad Max movies, but comes across as more like hack-director Hal Needham’s ultra-cheeseball disaster MegaForce instead. And what the heck the Paper Chase Guy was trying to do with his mumbling performance is anyone’s guess. Although this movie is more of a “Mike Era” type-movie instead of a “Joel Era” one, the riffing by J&tBs is very good, at times excellent, with so many diverse references (“Match Game ’75”, avant-garde composer Lori Anderson, choreographer Busby Berkeley, the Carter Administration, etc.) that I’m not sure younger MSTies will catch them all. And the host segments are a pretty good lot, with a funny invention exchange, and one of those segments that I love in which J&tBs stand around talking about something and throw out tons of pop cultural references (this time as they talk about how much fun life would be after the Apocalypse). So quality riffing and good host segments make this a very good episode.

Don’s Rating: