MST3K Review

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406 - ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES with short: UNDERSEA KINGDOM PT 1

Genre: Low Budget Horror (1959, B&W)

Short: In a chapter of an old ’30s serial, that’s not much unlike the later Commando Cody serial, we follow the adventures of some hero-wannabe named Crash Corrigan, some other adults, and one extremely annoying “Y-kid” (...you know, one of those over-excited kids with a name that ends in “Y” such as Tommy, Jimmy, or Bobby, one of whom seems to be in almost every single thing made before 1965). This group goes in a submarine down to the lost kingdom of Atlantis (with a guy named “Crash” piloting the sub...... okaaayyy). Once the group is in the Undersea Kingdom, the tyrant who rules the place soon sends some goofy-looking guys out in some goofy-looking tanks to shoot at Crash and the gang, ending in a cliffhanger as it looks for sure that they are killed. This extremely dated serial chapter was okay overall with some decent riffing by Joel and the Bots. (It also contributes a great stinger for this episode.)

Synopsis: The film opens in some small country-fried town on the edge of a swamp. In a country general store, a moonshiner tells the rest of the town (which is maybe a dozen people, tops) about a giant creature he shot at in the swamp while drunk-as-a-skunk. Of course, no one believes him. Then the story shifts away from giant creatures to a young hot-looking woman who’s married to a big fat slob (the extremely lard-enhanced Bruno VeSota plays the Chubby Hubby). Of course, this little Baby Doll is getting some sugar on the side so she can avoid having to touch her disgustingly fat husband. (Ironically, she’s the bloodsucker in this subplot... but he’s the giant creature!) From here, we switch to the next poorly developed subplot, which is about a game warden named Steve, played by the blandest actor on the planet, as he tries to find some “poachers” who are sucking the blood out of everything in the swamp (or something like that). Meanwhile, back to the first subplot, the Chubby Hubby is now chasing Baby Doll and her Bo’ through the swamp with a shotgun trying to kill them both. But he is then shocked when he witnesses them (seemingly) get killed instead by the Giant Plastic Trashbags – make that Giant Leeches – so shocked, that he later hangs himself in jail. (And the fact that a small pipe was actually strong enough to support his tonnage was a bit shocking in itself!) Now that the “Soapy Drama” part of the movie is over, it turns entirely back to the “Bad Horror Movie” part of the story. More people are “apparently killed” by the Giant Leeches but – surprise, surprise – they really aren’t killed, just taken underwater to the Leech’s secret underwater cave where they can be used as a quick snack whenever the leeches are hungry for a sip of blood. For some reason, the captives can’t escape when they are alive but only when dead, and any explosions in the lake cause their dead bodies to slip into the water and instantly float up to the surface. Anyway, once Dull Guy Steve figures out about the Giant Leeches, he and another guy go scuba diving to fight underwater with the deadly Trashbag Creatures and blow up some dynamite. So the Giant Leeches are all killed, the dead bloodless bodies all float to the surface and Dull Guy says some boring stuff as the movie mercifully ends.

Don’s Review: This is yet another appalling excuse for a movie with the name “Roger Corman” attached to it (I know, I know, he didn’t direct it – but it sure looks like one of his abominations!). This is a strangely sewn-together Frankenstein-Monster-of-a-movie, with a “Tennessee Williams” like story about the fat guy and his cheating wife stitched together with a horror story about giant leeches sucking the life out of people. But the movie is so bad at being either one that this lack of direction really doesn’t matter (it’s truly astonishing just how uninteresting this movie is!). The riffing started off a bit slow but soon was quite good and makes this unwatchably dull movie, well... watchable. The host segments are pretty funny, especially one particularly hilarious movie-related segment that spoofs the rednecks dynamiting the lake. Though not a great episode, it’s enjoyable enough to revisit one day.

Don’s Rating: [ S: F: ]

Forrest’s Review: Possibly the worst film of all time, this movie gives us more of the South than Squirm and The Deliverance combined. I mean, this film is terrible. Nothing happens. Nothing....not one thing in the whole movie. For a long time, I thought the big fat hillbilly as the giant leech, for the fact that he ate up the first 3/4 of the film. And, I agree with Josh, the leeches look nothing like leeches, and they’re only in the film for about one minute of film. So, this film, for me, though full of cheese, was also full of pain. The riffing is pretty damn good, as Joel and the Bots had me laughing all the time. Even Joel laughs really hard a couple of times, and he hardly ever does. I wish he did it more often, it seemed like he was having a good time. The jokes – in the “throw in jokes and let’s see what sticks and what doesn’t” style that seemed to dominate Season Four – had a lot more hits than misses for me. I really, really enjoyed myself, despite the terrible film. Actually, while I’m talking about the hit/miss style riffing in Season Four, I totally disagree with Don in his review of The Brain That Wouldn’t Die, where he says “To me, the riffing with Joel seemed more paced to flow with the movie and set up jokes like punch lines; while with Mike, the riffs tend to get thrown out more rapidly and a bit more randomly, with some sticking, some not.” I disagree with this. As I rewatch more and more episodes, to me, Joel episode had random riffing, and Mike’s flowed better with the film. For me, Mike’s riffing was also more memorable, and they seemed less bunched together, and became one with the film (that sounds rather corny doesn’t it?). Though Season Six had the random feel to it for the first half of the season, the rest of Mike’s episodes, for me, flow a bit better, and were actually less random. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
The riffing on this one though, was very fun, and it deserves a good rating. The short is also fun too, and the host segments were all decent, with the song about hillbillies being the highlight. I noticed that this is a Gene Corman production, as was Night of the Blood Beast. And they both share the same music. Pretty sad stuff. The riffing in this one, though very good, was in no way even close to the brilliant writing in Night of the Blood Beast. But it’s good enough to get a good rating.

Forrest’s Rating:

Josh’s Review: Attack of the Giant Leeches is one awful movie, but it does contain all the necessary essentials it takes to make a fine episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. It’s chock full of delightfully unlikable characters. There are cheesy looking monsters who are only effective through the use of line crossing story telling and horrible special effects. The sets where the leeches take their prey are about as believable as a professional wrestling event.
      The sound is a particularly sour spot, as much of the speech sounds muffled, and certain words are difficult to make out. Aside from this, the story moves along slowly, containing numerous scenes involving the lead characters arguing while they drink several gallons of coffee. When the extremely anticlimactic final confrontation with the leeches does finally arrive, it’s plagued by confusing camera angles and pointless dialogue scenes.
      In the movie’s defense, the acting could probably be a little worse. Besides one scene early on where a male character is begging for his life in a very high pitched whiny voice, there is nothing teeth grinding about the way lines are delivered. Also, the characters all have individualized personalities, though most of these are pretty one-dimensional.
      You never get a real good look at the leeches, and this is probably intentional. It’s hard to explain exactly what they do look like, but it certainly doesn’t resemble a leech. Here is a suggestion of how to make your own model of a leech as featured in this film.
      Next time you have a pot roast dinner with any large group of people, gather up all the fat trimmings cut off from the roast. Glue, tape, or staple these trimmings together to form a sort of oval shaped blob, and there’s your leech. It’s not near as large as the human sized leeches featured in the film, and it leaves off the squid-like tentacles that appear on some of the leeches in some of the scenes, but it still gives you a pretty good idea.
      Despite the promising movie, this episode is not Joel and the bots’ best effort unfortunately. While there are a number of chuckles scattered randomly throughout the film, a lot of the riffs seem like they were just thrown in to fill space. This is actually one of the very few episodes since Season One that didn’t have at least one brilliant, hilarious riff at some point in the movie worth committing to memory. The riffing during the short was slightly better and certainly more consistent, but the short itself didn’t offer the type of fuel that educational or promotional shorts often do.
      The host segments weren’t bad, but they’re not really that memorable. The best host segment falls towards the end and features the Joel and the bots singing a song that makes fun of hicks. This is fine, but not one of the better songs performed on the show. See this episode if you want to, but it’s not really good enough for me to recommend. Probably one of the low points of Season Four.

Josh’s Rating: [ S: F: ]