 322 - MASTER NINJA I
Genre: ’80s TV Action (1984, Color)
Don’s
Synopsis: This really isn’t a movie, but instead is two episodes of a short-lived, extremely lame early
’80s action TV show called
The Master. It’s about an old Ninja (played by a decrepit-looking Lee Van Cleef, fat gut and all, who is about as believable as a Ninja as John Wayne was as Genghis
Khan in The Conqueror) and his hot-headed, irritating American apprentice (played by bad-acting Timothy Van Patten) as they travel around with a gerbil (a lot of jokes there) in an
’80s-ultracheese van looking for his daughter (a plot point that usually is completely forgotten about in this show) and helping out people in trouble (a plot point that you end up wishing they would forget about).
This show is so bad that it makes
The A-Team look like the classic film The Guns of
Navarone in comparison. The two episodes of
The Master spliced together have absolutely no continuity,
so it might as well have been two one-hour episodes of MST3K (this experiment was perfect for the
MST Hour).
The first section deals with the duo’s first meeting as they team up and helping a girl (played by a very young Demi Moore,
who’s barely in this
“movie” for 5 minutes) and her father (played by Claude Akins) save their private airport from corrupt businessmen and
dirty cops. It literally made no sense whatsoever. The second section deals with the duo helping an old guy and his two daughters save their nightclub from
some more corrupt businessmen (hmmm, maybe this “saving individuals from corrupt businessmen” formula plot is the real continuity for the
“movie”).
This second section of the “movie” made more sense than the
first, but that actually is a drawback.
Don’s Review: The riffing on both
sections is good (I really like the comments about the obvious differences between the out-of-shape Van Cleef and his very fit martial arts stunt-double) and the host segments are great
(Crow’s conspiracy lecture on a Dick Van Patten plot to take over Hollywood through his kids is a classic).
This is best viewed back-to-back with episode 324 - Master Ninja II
– although that may be too difficult to do in one sitting.
Don’s Rating: 
Related Link:
(1) Mighty Jack’s MST3K Review (Episode Review)
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