311 - IT CONQUERED THE WORLD with short: SNOW THRILLS

Don’s  Short summary:  This experiment started with a short on winter sports that has a voice-over announcer who talks in such a rapid-fire, fast-talking “reporter” style that one wonders if this short was originally a Newsreel.  Joel & the ’Bots riff it well, plus the host segment spoofing this short is absolutely hilarious.

Don’s Synopsis:  The feature is another Roger Boreman directed cheese-fest, probably the most laughable of all of his films, that is about a giant piece of celery that comes from Venus via a high-jacked satellite to conquer the world from inside a cave (and a better title for this movie would’ve been It Conquered a Cave).  Helping the Vegetable-from-Venus is Lee Van Cleef (aka the Bad from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly – but he was born to play the Ugly) as Tom, who is some sort of kooky guy who can somehow talk to the Venusian Vegetable via a ham radio in a closet in his living room.  Peter Graves plays Paul, a scientist who is Tom’s best friend and takes all of his kooky talk with a grain of salt.  But – whaddaya know! – Tom’s kooky talk all turns out to be true!!  And Tom’s pal, the Venusian Invader, brought with it eight flying bat-like devices that attach to the base of a person’s neck, so he or she can be put under the alien’s control. (Invasion of the Body Snatchers rip-off?  You betcha!)  Which brings up the question:  This alien from Venus want to conquer the world and it only brought EIGHT of these mind control devices with it???  There are billions of people in the world, so I think this alien vegetable seriously under-packed!!!  At least the Venusian Carrot Creature is smart enough to get control of the leaders, so it takes control of an Army General and some of the scientists at the local rocket launch facility.  Then, in a seemingly unrelated storyline, some soldiers go out into a field to sit around and wait and wait until they are needed at the end of the movie.  Meanwhile, Paul’s wife falls under the mind control of the Venusian and tried to put Paul under control as well, but Paul destroys the bat-thing intended for him and puts a permanent end to his marriage.  Back at Tom’s house, his wife decides that she’s had enough of Tom and his Venusian buddy conquering the world and she will no longer be ignored.  So she goes to the cave to kill the goofy-looking alien but, improbably, it somehow kills her instead.  The soldiers who were just sitting around now show up to fight the alien and Tom, after losing his wife, changes his mind about the Giant Vegetable too.  Tom burns one of the Venusian’s eyes out with a blow torch and together they fall over dead.  (Of course, Tom had said that there were more alien vegetables still on Venus ready to invade, but that plot point is completely forgotten.)

Stinger:  Peter Graves saying “We learned too late that man is a feeling creature...”

Don’s Review:  This is a typically dull Corman film but it does have more laughably cheesiness than most of his other movies. The riffing on it by J&tBs is great with a lot of hilarious lines and the host segments vary a bit, but are pretty enjoyable for the most part. (I really liked the constant replaying of Peter Graves’ final discourse which has everyone, including the Mads, enraptured at the end of the episode.)   In my initial review of this episode, I was overwhelmed by the dullness of the Corman movie and gave the episode a lower rating.  But, on repeat viewings, this experiment really grows on you... and I mean that in a good way!  So this classic episode is very highly recommended.
Trivia Note: Here’s a text version of Peter Graves’ final discourse: “Man is a feeling creature, and because of it the greatest in the universe.  He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes.  There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves.  When men seek such perfection they find only death, fire, loss, disillusionment and the end of everything that’s gone forward.  Men have always sought an end to our misery but it can’t be given, it has to be achieved.  There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself.”

Don’s Rating:     [ S: F: ]

Related Link:
   (1) Mighty Jack’s MST3K Review (Episode Review)