306 - TIME OF THE APES

Memorable Movie Line:  “I don’t care.”

Don’s Synopsis:  A Japanese rip-off of Planet of the Apes that’s yet another cheeseball Sandy Frank production.  The story opens as a woman named Catherine shows two kids – Caroline and Johnny (who doesn’t care) – a cryonics lab where monkeys, lemurs, and spinning people are frozen.  When a volcanic eruption causes an earthquake, Catherine and the two kids take shelter inside three of the cryonic tubes (which must be lava proof) and they are all frozen.  When the three are revived, it’s far in the future and apes rule the world.  (A planet where apes evolved from men?  Nope – that didn’t happen in this case either.)  The three humans escape from the apes and meet a friendly young... owl... er, ape... named Pepe.  And, soon after, they meet a man named Godo who lives alone and is fighting a private war against the apes.  The humans are then all captured by the apes and an ape military leader named Gaybar plans to kill them because he blames Godo for the death of his family.  But the Colonel Sanders dressed Ape Commander shows up in his dumpy car and stops the executions, taking the humans into protective custody.  Locked up, Johnny and Pepe soon escape through huge ventilation shafts and help Godo escape too.  So the three then sneak around and rescue Catherine and Caroline.  After ditching Pepe – who turned out to be a girl! – the humans retreat into the mountains looking for a UFO called UNEC COM, when Gaybar shows up to try to kill Godo.  But the UFO appears and tells Gaybar that Godo didn’t kill his family, he did.  The humans discover a door in a hill that leads them into the UFO somehow.  There, in some confusing scenes, they are somehow sent back into the past, except for Godo, who ends up in a hellish future desert where he will probably die a miserable death.  (But he lives on in our hearts!  Let’s have some ice cream!)

Don’s Review:  Another Japanese film released by Sandy Frank, and it’s just as cheesy and ridiculous as everything else he released.  But the riffing by J&tBs is pretty good and the movie is rather laughable on its own, making this an enjoyable watch.  The host segments are directly movie-related – my favorite kind – and are all pretty good, especially the “Ape Fashion Show” that makes fun of the horrible clothes the apes wore in the movie and the classic “Sandy Frank” song.  So this is a great episode as well as one of the most memorable of the entire series.
Trivia Note:  This is the second time that this movie was featured on MST, the first time was episode K17 during the KTMA days of the show.

Don’s Rating: 

Forrest’s Review:  Time of the Apes would be on my top ten list of essential episodes for MST3K.  You simply have to see it, period.  I didn’t say too much about Time of The Apes (TOTA for short) in my last review, because there’s really nothing worth mentioning.  But I feel, as a reviewer, that I must. TOTA is a Japanese rip off of guess what? – SURPRISE! – Planet of the Apes (POTA for short).  The only difference between POTA and the TOTA, is, well, the apes’ mouths in TOTA don’t move!  Can you believe it, the makeup department that worked on this movie didn’t spend a little bit of extra time and effort to at least make the apes’ mouths move.  Sad really.  There are a few other differences between the two films, such as TOTA lacks a good script, good actors, an amazing ending, and excellent effort by the makeup department, a great music score...okay, okay, so there are A LOT of differences.  In fact Time of the Apes is like a poor man’s Planet of the Apes.  Mike Nelson wrote in ACEG and in our interview that TOTA was one of the hardest episodes to write, and he said it was a very “punishing” movie as well.  And I agree, however Don and I have a weakness for crappy Japanese movies, and that’s why we gave this episode an excellent review, but your stomach may not be able to process Time of the Apes as well as we could (growing up on a good helping of Godzilla flicks can do that to you).  The movie is full of all the usual Sandy Frank goofiness and nonsense.  For example at the end of the movie Godo obviously gets stranded in a desert somewhere, but to hell with that guy, let’s eat ice cream!  I mean, this was the hero of the story, and he pretty much dies, and, well, no one cares. [ed: well, we definitely know Johnny doesn’t!] 
      The movie was very punishing indeed. The dubbing was awful and, even though this movie has goofy charm, the awfulness comes out stronger, than, for example, the Gamera movies, which had more goofy charm than pain IMO.  The riffing was excellent for the most part.  Even though there were a few stretches of silence, there weren’t many, and the riffing was still great.  Joel in particular delivered the best lines.  Johnny gets a famous spot in MiSTory because of the line: “I don’t care.”  Joel and the Bots riff on that one over and over in this episode, and it never gets old once.  There were so many times in this episode where I laughed like a maniac.  I love Joel’s riff: “Don’t taunt the monkeys, Johnny.”  It was timed so perfectly, and the result was a burst of laughter.  The host segments were, as always for Season Three, excellent.  The Ape Fashion Show was very funny, as well as the observation on “why Johnny doesn’t care.”  The Sandy Frank song is also a classic.  Being a fan of goofy Japanese movies and the old Planet of the Apes movies I rate this episode high in my book.  Oh, and I can’t end my review without mentioning the hilarious Colonel Sanders look-alike Ape.  I loved this episode so much!  But remember, you may not be able to handle it as well as Don and I can.  In fact, unless you were one who poisoned your brain on Godzilla movies as a child, I do not highly recommend Time of the Apes.  However, I recommend this episode to all MiSTies, if only just for the line: “I don’t care.”

Forrest’s Rating: 

Related Link:
   (1) Mighty Jack’s MST3K Review (Episode Review)