MST3K Review

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301 - CAVE DWELLERS (RHINO DVD Box #2 and VHS)

Genre: Low Budget ’80s Sword and Sorcery (1984, Color)

Don’s Synopsis: Miles O’Keeffe, proving that he should have called it quits attempting to act after it was a stretch for him to simply play the famous Ape Man in Bo Derek’s infamous Tarzan movie, stars here as Ator, a two-sword carrying hero back in sword-and-sorcery times. Ator is asked by a medieval valley-girl named Mila to save her dull, old scientist father named Akronas from the clutches of Zor, an evil John Saxon type warlord in a very fake black wig who kidnapped her father because he’s supposedly smart (but only in comparison to everyone else in this movie, that is). Mila first has to prove to Ator and his dim-witted Asian sidekick, Thong, that she really is the daughter of Akronas by blowing the door off a prison cell with the gunpowder Ator conveniently left inside (it was basically just a test to see if she could light a fire). So Ator, Mila, and Thong venture off to save Akronas and first end up in some caves where they have to fight off invisible attackers (just part of the invisible plot, I gather) as well as some heart-eating cave dwellers (source of the film’s title!). And the three then take a detour to a village where Ator and Mila are double-crossed and are tied to posts. Their captors intend to throw both of them into a pit where a giant puppet snake will devour them – but, after a lot of hot babes are sacrificed first, Ator wrestles with the puppet snake in the pit and kills it. Finally, Ator, Mila, and Thong plan a sneak attack on Zor’s castle and to do this, Ator uses his medieval hang-glider to slowly fly in, visible to all for a long time before he gets there, and yet he is still somehow able to surprise Zor’s stupid guards. Inside the castle, Ator confronts Zor and they have the requisite sword fight that finally ends when Thong kills Zor before he can attack Ator from behind. The movie ends as a nuclear blast inexplicably is shown. (The movie imploding, perhaps?)

Host Segments:

Prologue: J&tBs try to think up favorite new names for themselves
Segment One (Invention Exchange): Joel invents the Smoking Jacket; the Mads invent Robotic Arm Wrestling
Segment Two: J&tBs re-enact the movie’s opening credits, complete with synthesizer music and shoebox formatted screen
Segment Three: Emulating the movie, J&tBs try to think up fancy names for ordinary things
Segment Four: Joel demonstrates to the ’Bots the work of a Foley Artist (aka making sound-effects for movies)
Segment Five (End): J&tBs j’accuse the Mads for this movie and illustrate by pointing out many of the continuity errors and anachronisms within it

Stinger: Ator saying “Thong, the fish is ready,” as Thong throws fish.

Don’s Review: This horrendous Conan the Barbarian rip-off cheapie is perfect cannon-fodder for Joel and the ’Bots, so some extremely funny riffing is the main highlight of this episode. And all of the host segments are pretty amusing, in particular a re-enactment of the cheesy opening credits sequence (that featured footage from an entirely different movie!) and the final, classic host segment on the many anachronisms in the film. So, all-in-all, an excellent episode that was a wise choice for video release by Rhino.
Trivia Note: The movie, better known as either Ator, the Invincible or Ator, the Blade Master is one of the few sequels seen on MST3K.

Don’s Rating:

Forrest’s Synopsis: Imagination is more important than knowledge. Yes! Imagination. The next most important thing is this review. NO! Do not touch it, your hands are too weak! It is everything, and nothing. Goodness, badness, richness and poverty. Actually this review is about one thing... Cave Dwellers. Cave Dwellers starts out with a dull philosopher guy and his '80s-looking daughter. He tells her of Ator, son of O'Keefe who had traveled many Miles to the ends of the earth. The old dull guy's daughter meets up with Ator and his Oriental (er...Asian) friend Thong. After battles with mimes, Sandor (or Sandy), invisible men and of course, cave dwellers; Ator, Thong and the chick settle down and rest until the fish is ready. After that, they were hoodwinked by the villagers of magical Middle Earth Hogwarts of Azeroth and soon found themselves being fed to giant plastic snakes by Little Richie. They defeated the giant snake and Ator made a hang glider and grenades. After breaking into a castle, defeating the evil Charlie McCarthy's orcs of doom, he defeated Swan Hat Man, set off a nuclear bomb and forever vanquished evil in Mordor, and Zelda was immune of missile attacks and warrior charms. They all lived happily ever after at level sixty, playing Magic The Gathering when they had free time.

Forrest’s Review: Cave Dwellers, out of nearly 200 episodes of MST3K, comes very close to the top best in my book. The only reason for this may just be for nostalgia reasons. This is one of the first MST3K episodes I had ever seen, I rented it soon after Pod People at Blockbuster. The riffs are hilarious throughout - this may be the first truly hilarious episode of MST3K - and the host segments have wonderful midnight feel to them. This is easily one of the best episodes of Season 3 as well as one of the best seen on the show. If you haven't seen this one yet, what the hell are you waiting for?

Forrest’s Rating: